on schools

The other day I went to school. The kids had read my “Dexter Be Good!” book and couldn’t wait to meet me.

We checked in at the office and all the humans told me how handsome I am. That’s a compliment that never gets old, no matter how many times I hear it.

We walked down the hall towards the library. Backpacks were lined up against the wall. See-through backpacks, and there was food inside some of them! I ran over to help myself—looking at people food always makes me hungry for a snack.

“No, Dexter,” Mom said. “The food is not for you.”

“Then why show it to me?” I said. “It’s sitting right there at eye level —my eye level.”

“It’s so teachers can see if there are weapons inside.”

“Weapons? You means like a leash?”

“Leashes aren’t weapons,” she said.

“They are if they’re not used properly,” I said.

“Weapons are things like guns.”

Guns in a school? That made no sense, so I put it out of my mind and went to meet my Fan Club.